My advice for wives--that I wish I could always remember!

Last year a friend who was getting married asked me for marriage advice. I think if she knew everything about my marriage, she wouldn't have asked me ;) We have had a lot of ups and downs and rocky times. The past few months have been especially hard and I think a lot of it has been my own hardened heart. Praise the Lord, He is working in me and the past month or so has been the best time in my marriage in a very long time.

Anyway, these are the things I told her I wish I had known with my heart and not just my head the past ten years. They are the things I need to remind myself every day.

Expectations. Don't have any.

God and ONLY God can meet all your needs and totally fulfill you.

Forgive, forgive, forgive. None of us are perfect.

When you don't feel like you can't give another ounce or love another second, ask God to fill you with love for your husband. He always does!

Expect problems and see them as things to make you stronger and bring you closer.

Be drenched in God's Word--so full of it that there is no room for the world's thinking.

Never say or think "I hate him". That opens a door for the enemy that he always enters through!

Women want to be loved and cherished even when they don't deserve it--Men want to be respected, honored and trusted even when they don't deserve it.

1 Corinthians 13: Read it, memorize it, pray it, frame it in your bedroom.

Pray for your husband every day. Read the Power of a Praying Wife constantly.

Seek God first and He will take care of the rest!

I Love My Life!

I just read this post I wrote in 2009 and it reminded me of what a wonderful life I have! I forgot about it, but I sure needed to read it!


I am so in awe that God would see fit to give me a life that is everything I have ever dreamed of and that I get to do everything that I love and love everything that I do! If you are looking for someone to gripe with about being "stuck at home" with kids and cooking and cleaning and laundry or to whine about the agony of pregnancy or the toil of caring for babies, you have come to the wrong place! I LOVE my life!

I get to be pregnant, which is the most wonderful state for a woman to be in, not once or twice, but many times! I get to give birth naturally because I want to because it is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I get to breastfeed my babies as much as and as often as and as long as I want because I get to stay with my baby 24 hours a day!

I get to play with cute clothes and adorable cloth diapers and beautiful baby carriers and call it "taking care of the baby"! I get to snuggle with the most delicious fat rolls and inhale the most fragrant breath you can imagine all day and all night long.

I get to hang out with the people I love more than anything, having fun and loving and learning all day long and call it "mothering".

I get to snuggle on the couch with them and read books and learn amazing new things every day WITH them and call it "homeschooling"!

I get to blast music and sing at the top of my lungs and dance around the house with the children with our list of chores and call it "cleaning".

I get to do fun experiments in the kitchen, and sometimes my helper and I will pretend we're on the Food Network, and call it "cooking".

I get to pop my delicious baby in a sling, put 2 more gorgeous blondies in a stroller, and walk behind 2 other amazing kids on bikes, and breathe in the evening air and the company of my family and call it "exercise".

At night I get to sit in front of the TV and watch a few of my favorite shows I've DVRed and call it "folding laundry".

At the end of the day I get to curl up in bed with a huge stack of books and call it "research and higher learning".

I also get to curl up in that same bed and feel the warmth and comfort and security and happiness and joy of cuddling up to my husband's sleeping body and call it "marriage".

I cannot even imagine a better life! I can't wait till tomorrow to do it all again!

The Story of Us

For Valentine's Day, I am remembering the story of us....

I was 18 years old, going to college and working full time at Long John Silver's. He was 20 and working selling Kirby vacuum cleaners. One day he was working in my town (an hour away from where he lived) and stopped for lunch at the Long John Silver's drive-thru. I saw him at the window from across the room and there was an instant reaction in my mind..."I'm going to marry him." We exchanged glances, or maybe long stares, before he got his food and drove away. I couldn't get him off my mind after that.

About an hour later, guess who comes walking through the door. My heart was racing--I just knew he was going to talk to me. But, no. He asked my co-worker for directions to Wal-Mart, cast a quick glance in my direction, and left again. I was so disappointed.

Then maybe another hour later, guess who! This time he ordered a fish sandwich, sat down and ate it while I anxiously waited for him to finally come talk to me. I just knew what he kept coming back for! But again, he left.

After that I thought about that guy every single day. I watched the door, waiting for him to walk though it because I just knew he would come back. I had no doubt. It was just a matter of when.

That day came only a week later. He came in for lunch during a busy time at Long John's. I was very busy working, but my mind was on the cute guy sitting by the window. Then, after the crowds had died down, I looked over and saw him standing at the counter looking at me. Nervously, I walked over and he said what I knew he would say, "Can I call you sometime?" Yes! Of course! I tried not to act too excited as I wrote down my name and phone number. He handed me his: Kevin Thomas. What a perfect name. When I read it, it sounded like home.

A few days later my phone finally rang. It was him. He told me that he had been thinking of me since the first time he saw me and a song was what gave him the courage to finally come back and talk to me. And he sang it to me. The first time we ever talked, he sang to me! He sang this song, which became our song:

Once in Lifetime Love

Girl I know you don't really know me
Still I want you to listen closely
This might sound crazy
But after all isn't love like that
I would be crazy to let this moment pass

What if I don't say what's on my mind
And you walk away
I might live out my life
And never feel this way
What if you are the one
That I'm meant to love
What if tonight is the night
What if once in a lifetime love
Don't come twice

Girl take a chance, time is unfolding
We could be blessed without even knowing
Just for a minute
Close your eyes and don't take another breath
'Cause what if you miss it
And it never comes again

What if you don't say what's on your mind
And I walk away
You might live out your life
And never feel this way
What if I am the one
That you're meant to love
And what if tonight is the night
What if once in a lifetime love
Don't come twice

I don't wanna wake up by myself
Years from now wishin'
That I'd told you what I felt
Your eyes are a window to your soul
If you don't open up
I may never know

What if we don't say what's on our minds
And we walk away
We might live out our lives
And never feel this way
What if I am the one
And you are the one
What if tonight is the night
What if once in a lifetime love
Don't come twice

Listen to this song here.

Well, as you can imagine I absolutely melted. It felt like a dream. I still knew I was going to marry him and as I got to know him, I knew it more and more.

Six months to the day of our first date, he put a beautiful engagement ring on my finger. And five months after that, on May 5, 2001, we began our adventure together as husband and wife. Almost ten years and six children later, I can honestly say I love him more than I ever have. It hasn't been a fairy tale--we still have our ups and downs, but looking at the big picture I can see how much we have grown and how it's getting better and better with every year. The past ten years really have been an adventure and I can't wait to see what the next ten years hold for us.

And the name Kevin Thomas still sounds like home. I love you, Kevin. Happy Valentine's Day.

One Year

(The above photo is a stock photo--not really us!)

February 7 marked one year since my husband left to serve in Korea. He will be home in two weeks. I knew from the beginning that this year was from the Lord. I felt a strange peace about it all. I knew it had a purpose. I thought I knew what that purpose was.

I decided that I would devote this year to praying for my husband. Then when he came home God would have fixed him because of my faithful prayers.

Yes, I did. And I just admitted that to the world.

Now I know the purpose. God fixes what is broken.

****************************************************

I prayed for God to change my husband. God changed me.

I prayed that the Lord would touch my husband and get his attention. He touched me. He got my attention.

I prayed that God would soften my husband's heart. He softened mine when I didn't even know it was hard.

I prayed that my husband would learn about love! I learned what love really is.

I prayed that my husband would see eye to eye with me about my dreams. God showed me how to lay my dreams on the altar and trust Him. He reminded me that He is in control--not me--and that I needed to give Him control....by giving him control.

I prayed that my husband would appreciate me. Then I began to appreciate him.

I prayed that God would show him how wrong he was! Then He showed me how wrong I was.

I prayed that God would make him love me (the way I wanted to be loved, of course). Then God made me love him, with a love deeper than anything I have known before.

I said, "Don't bring him back until he has changed!" He didn't bring him back. Until I changed.

I prayed he would come back a new man! Instead he is coming home to a new woman. A woman who loves the old man just the way he is.

With
all
my
heart.

********************************************************

You had to go away.
I had some things to work through, some things God had to deal with in me. God had a lot to teach me. He had to break me so He could fix me.
Not that He is done with me--there is always more work to be done here on this sin-filled earth. But now it is time for on the job training.
Now I think it's time to begin again. Now you're coming home. I am ready now. God answered all my prayers.

Lord of all, or not at all

This is a repost from August 2006. My third baby Isaiah is now 5 and my sixth baby Tyson is now the almost-11-month old. To be honest, it was easy for me to trust God in having more babies because they are my greatest joy and delight and I long for more! Now my faith is tested in that I am having to trust Him in the opposite situation:the possibility of never having more. This is where I really have to remind myself--He is STILL Lord of all, He is STILL in control, He is STILL on the throne. I can trust Him with this just like I always have.


August 11, 2006

Today my baby Isaiah is 11 months old. I seriously can't believe how fast this year has flown. David was only 10 months old when I became pregnant with Isaiah, so now there is officially a longer break before I have my next baby. Most people would probably say, "Your next baby?! Your youngest IS still a baby--and he's your third in three years!" But you'd only say that if you didn't know me Anyone who knows me knows that my not being pregnant yet is not good news OR bad news. If I found out tomorrow that I was I would be absolutely thrilled. And even though there are days I long to be expecting another son or my first daughter, I will be just as happy if my womb remains barren for three more years. Because I trust God's perfect timing.

So although I announce my non-pregnant state thus far with a bit of relief that I'm over the hump of "too soon", what I'm truly amazed by is God's never failing presence in my life. Although I've technically been able to become pregnant for at least six months now, my womb has not been opened because it is God who opens and closes it and it is not His time.

I am so at peace with this area of my life because I've given it over to Him. After all, shouldn't we give every area of our lives over to Him? We never have to worry about "trying" or preventing--we just LIVE and love whatever God brings our way. What freedom and joy! I will never have any regrets. You will never visit a nursing home and hear old ladies say, "I wish I'd never had those last two children. They were just too much on me." No! It's unthinkable. But I'm sure you'll hear MANY ladies lament, "IF ONLY I'd had more children." But I will never have to live with those regrets. I will always know I had the perfect number of children. No more. No less.

Who knows? God may be done with my womb. Three may be it for me. But I truly hope there are many more waiting in the wings for us. I imagine myself at my 90th birthday party, surrounded by maybe a dozen children, scores of grandchildren, hundreds of great-grandchildren, and the beginnings of countless great-great-grandchildren, and looking around at what the Lord has brought forth from our union. He started with two and from that came hundreds of His children, serving Him and doing great things in the world. What a legacy!

Among Christians there seems to be two belief systems. First there are those who believe that God created the universe, set it in motion, and left it to go it's course and let nature happen. It astounds me that any follower of Jesus Christ could think such a thing. Then there are those who believe that God is involved in our lives down to the last detail, that every second is orchestrated by His Divine Hand. I am among these. I've seen Him too much in my life not to know this. He's done and worked out way too many things--from the most life-changing things to the tiniest things that seem to not even matter. Since He loves us so much and is so involved, why not give it all up to Him? Why not entrust every detail of your life to His wisdom and love? In that total surrender is true joy, peace, and freedom. You will never find that in anything else--not in yourself or a loved one, not in material things, not in the pleasures this world seeks after, and not in drowning out life with things that confuse your mind. Only in giving it all to Him.

Love is...

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (highlights from various translations and paraphrases)

Amplified Bible

Love endures long and is patient and kind.
Love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy.

It is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly..
Love (God's love in us) does not insist on it's own way, for it is not self-seeking, it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best...Its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].

Contemporary English Version

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.
Love isn't selfish or quick tempered.
It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do.

Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fails!


God's Word Translation

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love isn't jealous.
It doesn't sing it's own praises.
It isn't arrogant.
It isn't rude.
It doesn't think about itself.
It isn't irritable.
It doesn't keep track of wrongs.

Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.
Love never comes to an end.


King James Version

Charity suffereth long, and is kind,
charity envieth not,
charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil...

Beareth all things,
believeth all things,
hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never faileth.


New Century Version

Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others.
Loves does not count up wrongs that have been done.
Love patiently accepts all things.
It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.
Love never ends.

New Living Translation

Love is patient and kind.
Loves is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
It does not demand it's own way.
It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love will last forever!


The Message

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first",
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.

Today's NIV

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.


NIV

When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully...

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The Excellent Wife

I read the Excellent Wife probably about four years ago. It is a wonderful book--I need to read it again one of these days. There are many lists and charts that I wrote down when I read it that I have kept and read over and over. I have kept those handwritten lists in binders and the other day I finally typed them out and printed it out to put in my new encouragement binder. (I JUST named it that while typing this--sounded pretty good. hahaha!) I thought I'd share a couple of these from an early part of the book.


Wrong Desires (I think the book called this something like idolotrous desires--"Wrong" probably isn't the right word, but it's what I wrote then and I can't remember what the book actually says!)

1. That my husband will be affectionate.
2. That he will anticipate my needs without my asking.
3. That he will give me compliments.
4. That he will make me feel special.
5. That he will not hurt my feelings.
6. That he will talk to me and share his thoughts and feelings.
7. That he will put me first.


Right Desires

1. That I may know God's Word and obey it.
2. That I may delight in Him.
3. That I may seek Him with all my heart.
4. That I may be pleasing to Him regardless of my circumstances.
5. That I may cultivate an attitude of joy and gratitude in what God is doing in my life no matter what my husband does or does not do.
6. That I may have joy in God deciding how my life and circumstances can glorify Him the most, that He can use me for His glory.




Bitter Thoughts

1. He doesn't love me, he only loves himself
2. I do so much for him and look what I get in return!
3. I can't believe what he decided. How ridiculous!
4. I can't believe what he has done to me!
5. He'll never change.
6. He should have known better.

Kind, Tenderhearted, Forgiving Thoughts

1. He does not show love as he should, but his capacity to love can grow
2. I wonder if I can do something differently to make it easier for him.
3. Maybe he has information I don't have.
4. What he has done is difficult but God will give me the grace to get through it.
5. By God's grace, he can change.
6. How can he possibly know? I've never told him. He can't read my mind

Mother's Day and Anniversary

My husband has been shocking me a lot lately. Before we were married he was so romantic and constantly doing sweet things for me. Then after we got married, well, you know how it goes! I've had my feelings hurt a few anniversaries and on past Mother's Days when I asked him why I didn't get anything, he would answer in all innocence, "You're not my mother." Yeah. He really did.

But the past couple years he is finally getting it and this year he just really amazed me.

For our anniversary, we didn't get to go out as we had planned because two of the kids and I were sick. So we fed the kids frozen corn dogs, put them to bed early, and Kevin went to out to get our meal. When he got back I was instructed to stay in the back bedroom till called.

My husband turned the living room into a restaurant. My husband did this. I'm still amazed. He set up a folding table and chairs and set it with a white tablecloth, black placemats, our best dishes, and candles. He laid three roses on the table alongside a card and a diamond bracelet. He had romantic music softly playing. MY husband did this!

As I sat down to read my card, admire my flowers and gift, and eat, he had this to say. My husband said this. He told me that in his psychology class he learned that the hardest year in marriages is usually the seventh year (which is very true for us). Then at the eighth year things started to get better and better. And that's how he wanted it to be for us. MY husband said this!

We had such a nice evening--much better than we could have had out somewhere, in my opinion.

For mother's day, he had the kids fingerpaint cards for me. So when I got up, I found my cards and a package of Oreos (with 2 missing) from the kids. From him I got chocolate and a nice new 12 inch skillet which I so needed! We were still sick, so we had to stay home again and he went out and got us some lunch. And again, it was a much better day at home than going out. I'm so glad we were sick! haha

The things I am seeing happen in my husband's heart amazes me every day. It is nothing but a testimony of God's faithfulness. I am so blessed!

I hope everyone else had a happy mother's day too! Every day is mother's day when we get to be surrounded by the people we love!

Eight Years and Counting

I would love to write a poetic tribute to my husband on our eighth anniversary, but I don't have the time or mental presence to do so tonight. But I do want to say that I love my husband so much.

If you know me very well, you know we have been though a lot of ups and downs. If you kinda know me, you probably have a vague idea. If you don't know me at all, you may not realize the trials we have gone though, but I will tell you it has been no fairy tale.

But I will also tell you this: GOD brought us together, no question. God is true to His promises and perfect in His ways. I can testify to His faithfulness, and to His wisdom in His plan for marriage. I cannot put into words how I feel when I write this--just bursting with praise to God and love for my husband! I wish I could express, but there are no words!

God has done--and is still doing--an amazing work in me, my husband, and our marriage.
I love my husband more now than I ever have.
He is a more amazing man than he ever has been.
I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. More content, more peaceful, more joyful about where I am, who I am, who I'm with, and Whose I am!

You know when you're in those first few years of marriage and you keep hearing about that state of love that is better than the butterflies and tingly feelings, that is supposed to come after all the passion of new love has worn off? And you hear about it but don't really believe it and you just keep waiting for it because you're bored and discontent and fighting that nagging thought that you must have married the wrong person?
Well, that love is here for us. It is real, and it IS better. It is true love. It isn't just a feeling like the first love was. It's...it's.... Well, it's just like this:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 The Message

And I just want to tell anyone that may be going through trials that true love is worth fighting for with everything within you! It is worth praying for, whether you pray for days, years, or decades, it will be worth it! It is worth obeying God for, even when every ounce of your flesh is telling you differently. It is worth every tear, every sleepless night, every humbling apology, every lesson learned. It is the kind of love God intended us to have--not based on feelings or circumstances, but a love like His.

Looking back at how much we have grown in the last 8 years, I am SO excited to see how much we grow in the next 8! And I'm not just talking about children! I am so happy and blessed to be his wife. This is what God had in mind when He said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

Spiritually Unequal? My first guest blog

Today I have the honor of being a guest blogger at Joy Ever After. I wrote from experience on the topic of spiritually unequal marriages. I hope it blesses others to read it as much as it did for me to write it. Thank you, Lady Jen, for giving me this opportunity!

Spiritually Unequal?

Bless Your Family

Do not take your family for granted. Treasure it. Enjoy it. Make the most of your times together. Don't spoil these precious times with rude or hurtful words. Instead, pour love, joy, and blessing into your marriage and family. What you pour in will be what you reap.

Every principle of God is an eternal principle that cannot be broken. God's Word in Galatians 6:7 will always be fulfilled, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap." What you sow into your marriage and into your family life is what you will reap. It will come back to haunt you or to bless you. It will affect not only the lives of your family, but your own life also. The blessing of your life depends upon how you bless your family.

Nancy Campbell in Above Rubies No. 68, 2006