Lord of all, or not at all

This is a repost from August 2006. My third baby Isaiah is now 5 and my sixth baby Tyson is now the almost-11-month old. To be honest, it was easy for me to trust God in having more babies because they are my greatest joy and delight and I long for more! Now my faith is tested in that I am having to trust Him in the opposite situation:the possibility of never having more. This is where I really have to remind myself--He is STILL Lord of all, He is STILL in control, He is STILL on the throne. I can trust Him with this just like I always have.


August 11, 2006

Today my baby Isaiah is 11 months old. I seriously can't believe how fast this year has flown. David was only 10 months old when I became pregnant with Isaiah, so now there is officially a longer break before I have my next baby. Most people would probably say, "Your next baby?! Your youngest IS still a baby--and he's your third in three years!" But you'd only say that if you didn't know me Anyone who knows me knows that my not being pregnant yet is not good news OR bad news. If I found out tomorrow that I was I would be absolutely thrilled. And even though there are days I long to be expecting another son or my first daughter, I will be just as happy if my womb remains barren for three more years. Because I trust God's perfect timing.

So although I announce my non-pregnant state thus far with a bit of relief that I'm over the hump of "too soon", what I'm truly amazed by is God's never failing presence in my life. Although I've technically been able to become pregnant for at least six months now, my womb has not been opened because it is God who opens and closes it and it is not His time.

I am so at peace with this area of my life because I've given it over to Him. After all, shouldn't we give every area of our lives over to Him? We never have to worry about "trying" or preventing--we just LIVE and love whatever God brings our way. What freedom and joy! I will never have any regrets. You will never visit a nursing home and hear old ladies say, "I wish I'd never had those last two children. They were just too much on me." No! It's unthinkable. But I'm sure you'll hear MANY ladies lament, "IF ONLY I'd had more children." But I will never have to live with those regrets. I will always know I had the perfect number of children. No more. No less.

Who knows? God may be done with my womb. Three may be it for me. But I truly hope there are many more waiting in the wings for us. I imagine myself at my 90th birthday party, surrounded by maybe a dozen children, scores of grandchildren, hundreds of great-grandchildren, and the beginnings of countless great-great-grandchildren, and looking around at what the Lord has brought forth from our union. He started with two and from that came hundreds of His children, serving Him and doing great things in the world. What a legacy!

Among Christians there seems to be two belief systems. First there are those who believe that God created the universe, set it in motion, and left it to go it's course and let nature happen. It astounds me that any follower of Jesus Christ could think such a thing. Then there are those who believe that God is involved in our lives down to the last detail, that every second is orchestrated by His Divine Hand. I am among these. I've seen Him too much in my life not to know this. He's done and worked out way too many things--from the most life-changing things to the tiniest things that seem to not even matter. Since He loves us so much and is so involved, why not give it all up to Him? Why not entrust every detail of your life to His wisdom and love? In that total surrender is true joy, peace, and freedom. You will never find that in anything else--not in yourself or a loved one, not in material things, not in the pleasures this world seeks after, and not in drowning out life with things that confuse your mind. Only in giving it all to Him.